Sequencing

I am a hopeless story teller or on a more mundane level, I am a hopeless relator of incident.  People get really impatient, bored, confused or threatened when I talk and it upsets me because I feel only love, enthusiasm and joy. 

It seems that most people are adept at sequencing their thoughts.  Their arguments may not be worthy of a gold star but at least their jist is crystal clear.  This characteristic is eloquence and it appears to be a trait I do not have. 

My thoughts land on my consciousness in a higgelty-piggelty manner and as a child I preferred not to talk or interact with those who demanded instant verbal clarity.  As a young adult I learnt that I had stuff worth saying but my artificial  approach to sequencing did not hit the eloquent button and I was continually faced with a blank expression.   My best social interactions are always founded in "fun and games" where I can dish out my inner joy and connect with the resultant smiling faces.  On the other hand I find parties particularly difficult as they combine lots of verbal exchange with competing noise, uncertain activity, awkward silences, drunken fools and lots and lots of pretence.

Yes I am a party pooper, but the truth is that I do love being with people.  Although an introvert most of the time, I am aware that a shared experience is a gold star event.  Learning to connect with people is one of my life long ambitions and to do this I am attempting to sequence my thoughts more eloquently.

If I was to talk as ideas come into my head, I would present a jumble of images and words.  They  make sense to me as my brain understands their connection.  Even after years of practice, when I am put under pressure to deliver an eloquent answer,  I either say "I don't know" to escape  or I  "mumble" the jumble  or  worse still I deliver a  deep well thought out philosphical rant.  I am subsequently labelled stupid, confused or off the planet, none of which contributes to the joy of companionship.   I still have a lot to learn.

It would seem that sequencing thought to fit accepted social verbal patterns is not my thing.  Writing is a much easier medium to present one's ideas.  The problem  is that writing allows creativity more opportunities to develop and in a world where quick social "twittery" exchange is all that most people have time for, I feel that I am back to square one - alone with my unsequenced thoughts.